My-So-Called-Jomblo-Life

Neverland

2006-10-29T07:23:00.000-08:00

If you watched Peter Pan, you must know Neverland. It's an island where everybody who lives there never get old. They are always youthful, yet never grow up. That's the bad part of it.

It's been quite a long time since the last time I wrote this blog. Many things have changed. I have changed. My perspective changed. One thing is still the same... I am still single =P

Tomorrow is my 33 birthday. I wish it never comes. I wish I could fly to Neverland and changed myself into Tinker Bell.

I pity myself for being 33 and single. Why shouldn't I? 99% of my friends are younger than me, 99% of male population around me are younger than me, and it seems that i have no hope at all to fall in love. Tsk tsk tsk.. poor me.. =(

The weird thing is I have received a complain from a friend. She said I am not desperate enough. She said I am too care-free. Gee.. what should I do? Do I have to put a sign:ON SALE. 70% OFF. or something??

I've tried though. I even tried the internet love connection, which cost me lots of dollars which gave no results (and I don't think I want to pay again in dollars for that). Well, except I got one pen friend though, which I haven't been in touch lately. I tried the make-over thing. I tried the making new friends thing. Hmm..

There were time when I thought something is wrong with me. Yes, you tend to condemn yourself when you're at my shoe. You even tend to hate God for being unfair to you. Yet, for my wonder.. I haven't given up hope.

I am beautifully and wonderfully made. No matter what.(I am sweet and cute though. Really. Swear to God, I really am ^ ^) However unconvincing the situation might seem. I have so many things I want to say, but I seem to lose words. Anyway, if you're single like me, and need to share stories.. please feel free to give me your comment and email.

one sad day

2005-08-13T02:40:00.000-07:00

Something sad has happened.

One of my students died. On last Wednesday morning. A very tragic event. The whole family dies in a house fire. Nine people died, they couldn’t escape the fire and trapped inside the house. You must have seen the news in the newspaper and TV.

When I was told, I was shocked and sad.. I cried and cried… in front of the teachers. But I couldn’t be not crying. His name is Eben. Only 5 years old. The first time I met him, I have fallen in love with him, because he liked to smile to me. He likes to dance while singing, and very smart. It’s been only 4 weeks with him but I can’t help feeling lost…

I’m okay now. It’s just when I think of him.. something aching in my heart. If I imagine how he died, I just can’t stand it…

In spite of what have happened.. I thank God, that the whole family are in heaven now. They are people this world is not worthy to have. It’s better for them to be in heaven.Despite of how they died, I believe God is good all the time. Perhaps when the fire burned them,they didn’t feel the pain.. nothing is impossible for Him!

Know what.. just a day before he died…I’m glad I have made him happy. Usually I assign one kid to hold a traffic light when the kids made a line to go to the chapel and class. Everyone will get a turn and Eben has been wanting to be the “policeman”. At on that day, I chose him (because I know he’s been enthusiastic about it). He was so happy and proud! I hold his hands walking with me in front and he said, “Miss, don’t touch my hand..” I asked why. He said, “because my hand is dirty.. I just wiped my nose with it..”

And I took a picture of him and his friends when they sang and danced. On that day, I just felt something special about him… that I want to express my love to him.

I have made a right choice. Because the next morning, he has gone.. forever.

I learn a very important lesson… when it’s in the power of our hands to do something good or to show love to someone, do not withhold it until tomorrow. Do it now. Today. Never procrastinate to give good things and express your love. You’ll never know what will happen. On the next day, maybe someone you love will not be with you anymore…

the kindergarten cop =p

2005-08-13T02:38:00.000-07:00

My first day as a kindergarten teacher…
GOSH!!! It was a disaster!!! Just at the time I arrived, I was welcomed by crying children.. not just 1 but 2! At that time I was thinking,”Oh GOD! Am I making a wrong choice here??! Maybe tomorrow I should just resign!”

But that’s what I’ve been wanting for all these years, I couldn’t give up just like that! Or was I making a wrong choice?

One week has passed. Two weeks. Four weeks…
I LOVE being a kindergarten teacher! I have fallen in love with the kids ^ ^ Yes, it is not easy as I think. It requires so much strength to be a kindergarten teacher! But as the weeks went by… I have been enjoying it. And I was so occupied, busy and tired that I don’t have time to think of my singleness! Hahaha…=P

Seeing the wonders in those little children’s eyes, listening to their unending curious questions, hugging their small cute bodies, holding their little chubby hands, playing with them, …I realize what I’m doing here is making a difference in their lives.

Decision, decision, decision...

2005-06-24T02:39:00.000-07:00

Whiuh! It's been a looon loooong time since the last time i wrote this blog! Life has been so busy and there have been manymany things happened since then.

Hmmm... anyway, i'm still jomblo =P

And i have done something i think is such a BIG step! I've resigned from my advertising job, and have decided to pursue my dreams.. as a writer. Can you believe it?? I let go off my comfortable job with high payment, just like that..

Although i know this is what i dream of, but there is still some fear inside to really jump. But if it's not now, it will never be...

anyway, i've been a freelance writer for sometimes... and now i will focus on it. focus is very important, coz you'll never accomplish anything if you don;t focus on one thing. believe me, i've been through it these past months, and it was HARD!

i want so many things in life! i wanna be a writer, a movie maker, a kindergarten teacher, a designer... i have tried to fit those into my life, but i failed. so i guess i have to do it step by step. i am not a wonder woman. so this is what i should do.. focus on one thing, do my best, and i'll be success.

there are 2 types of people, my friend said. ones are those who work for the sake of earning lots of money, ones are those who work for the sake of self fullfilment. and i am type 2. but again, i know money isn't everything but everything needs money. so i can't be so naively do whatever i want without thinking of others.

but i thank GOD that He's opened ways for me to pursue my dreams. He gave me this writing career opportunity, and i'm currently learning mandarin, and i might be able to open my own kindergarten someday! =) well yeah, of course, one thing at a time...

hooray!

2004-08-08T22:04:00.000-07:00

I have definitely changed.

I used to be a person who didn't want to argue, or put myself in an uncomfortable spot. I loved to be in peace with everybody. I was everybody's friend and everybody was my friend. I wouldn't hurt anybody's feeling or confront them directly. I was Miss Nice. And stupid i might say. Coz i let myself be controlled by others in order to avoid conflicts. I let others fool me, since i was so naive... i believed everything people told me!

Now things have changed a bit.

I ordered a bihun kangkung for lunch in a food court lately. The bihun tasted weird, bau apek! The "old me" would just ignore it and let it go. Not this time. I went to the counter and made my complain, nicely and politely. I deserved a better lunch, I've paid for it. They offered to replace it. If i was just be quiet, i would have lost my right! Anyway i did a good thing for them, because other people might buy the bihun and their restaurant's good name would be ruined.

Yesterday i went to Plaza Semanggi. I was in front of the lobby where cars suppose to stop and drop off their passenger. A taxi driver was impatiently honking me at the back... I walked down, stopped for a moment to look at the impolite taxi driver (it was blur though coz of the window reflection), giving him the "CAN'T YOU QUEUE AND BE PATIENT !" look, then walked away with my head up high... =P

There's this one co-worker of mine who has been getting on my nerve, coz she's been acting like the BOSS, and telling my team members what to do. Most people think that too, not just me. One day she really made me day, so icame to her and bluntly said in front of her face, "That's my job to do that. Mind your own business!" Wheuh, that felt good to see her sheepishly dissapear...

Well, what i'm trying to say is that i've learned to stand up for myself. I gotta be strong and courageous to live my own life. When i don't like something, i say it. When i don't like what someone's doing/saying, i say it. I like being straightforward. Some people might not like it... but well,it's impossible to please everybody! Just being myself is the happiest moment of my life.

I've found another side of me i've never known before. The strong side yet also vulnerable. I always like being honest, i hate hypocrites who flatter with their lips. I might be simple, calm, and friendly... but i won't let anybody mess with me =P

I have found an energy to fight for what i deserve (hmm.. where's that energy come from, by the way? I wonder...) I won't settle for less. I want only the best. Coz i deserve it, EVERYBODY deserves the best and to be treated right. It's the matter of whether we want to be bold and pursue it or not.

The Confession of A 30-year-old

2004-08-08T21:18:00.000-07:00

"You wanna learn mandarin in china? What for???!"

"Don't wear that hat! You look like an ABG!"

"Stop making faces and behave like your age!"

I HATE THAT WHEN PEOPLE TOLD ME SUCH THINGS. I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT, WEAR WHATEVER I WANT, AND BE CRAZY WHATEVER I WANT.

I confess to the whole world that i am a teenager inside. I'm child-like, but not childish. I have young spirit to soar like an eagle. I'm so enthusiastic about reaching to the stars and seeing the world. I wanna be expressive as wild as i can be. Yet i'm such a simple minded little girl. A dreamer with imaginations, who is eager to make her dreams come true. I can't help it being so young at heart! I don't care if people say i am weird.

I look good wearing a hat. I have people compliment me. So what the heck of people who say it's not suitable for a 30- year -old! Unless it really looks terrible on me... i won't wear it at all! But i DO LOOK GOOD with it.

I'm so darn cute with what i wear, so what if i look like a teenager or a 20-year-old? I DO LOOK YOUNG and PROUD OF IT. It's not that i look awful. I LOOK GOOD! So who cares about what others say?? (perhaps they are just envy coz they don't have the nerve and the confident.. hhuahuahuahue =P )

I enjoy making faces when someone take my pic, go to Dunia Fantasi, eat ice cream and hopping like a little girl, be free-spirited , have my own fun, ... HAPPYAYAYA! Is something wrong with that? Sometimes i feel like a 13-year-old in the body of a 30.. hehehhe (anyone watch the movie yet?) Perhaps i should change my birth ceritificate... =P

So what if i wanna go to China to learn mandarin? Is being 30 too old to do that? People tend to have this narrow mind that when you're 30, you should just "settle down", wait for the right guy to come along, be bored by your ordinary life, get married, and then you can live happily ever after. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO-NO. As i've always said, the time to be happy is NOW, doesn't affected by a guy or marriage or others circumstances.

I used to think i would be happy when i have a boyfriend. So i understand about single girls who got so desperate and lonely. Been there, done that. Til i finally found my unique self and what i really wants. I found my life purpose =) that have made a major difference! My life purpose is to plant a good seed with what i have. It always makes me sooo happy when i can invest something in others' lives, and seeing their perspective changed into better. It fels so good when others got blessed by what i've created. And that's what i'm doing by being a writer.

Writing is my passion. And i'm in the process of making that passion to be fruitful. So i always say to my single girl friends: "What's life mean for you? What's your dreams, passion? What do you want in life?" That's the key to have a satisfied, fulfilling life... with or without a guy. Coz we're not created just to meet a guy, fall in love, and get married. We're created for a higher purpose. And that's what we gotta find... or our lives will be miserable!

I'm not saying that i'm already successful in living my life to the fullest. No. I'm just starting. "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" (A Chinese Proverb). I just found that writing is what i wanna do, and start from there. In fact, i just started to write this blog, just started to write again after a long vacuum.. sending my short stories to magazines, etc. I just took my first step =)

I hope all my single girl friends will do the same, coz we deserve TO BE HAPPY.

Me, her, and him

2004-08-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

Wanna hear a funny tragic real story?

It was a nice fine day when i met George (not a real name)...a dark, tall, handsome guy. I found out that he went to a gathering in this one place i used to go, so i decided to go there in case i would get a chance to know him.

Since i was a veryveryvery nice person, i asked one of my single friends, Hilda (not a real name), to come along. She's a great person and i wanted her to have a chance to meet some guys too. I thought: "Perhaps Hilda would find a nice guy there too..." So there we were... maybe you can already guess, that it turned out that George was more interested in Hilda! Who wouldn't be? She was slim like a model, with a pretty porcelain-skin face, and very feminine! I must be looking like a "dayang-dayang" standing beside a royal princess.... =P well, that's how i felt that time. NOT anymore now...

He smiled to her, asked her mobile number (he asked mine too afterwards.. maybe just for being polite), asked her questions to know her better...For my surprise, the next day he called me. Guess what did he want? He asked me to go out for lunch! "...hmmm, but it's okay right that we ask Hilda to come along too?" he said. HAH! I knew it. I was just being used as a mediator =(

SOoo... i learned my lesson hard that day. DO NOT ASK YOUR PRETTY GORGEOUS FRIEND TO COME ALONG WITH YOU WHEN YOU WANNA MEET A GUY YOU'RE INTERESTED IN! You can introduce them afterward when he's already yours.. hehhehe. Or when he's definitely not interested in you. I always thought that me and George might have a better chance if i wasn't so stupidly nice by asking her to come along.

Oh by the way, George didn't get Hilda either... he's not her type.

just a letter

2004-08-05T22:03:00.000-07:00

this is an email i just wrote to my friend. she just had a bad experience with a guy. she has the same struggle most single gals have... all the peer and family pressures, the waiting,etc. what i wrote to her is what i told myself as well, so this is what i wrote:

"cowok kayak gitu mah sama sekali gak WORTH iT! itu cuma alasan aja... emang dasarnya dia gak tertarik untuk suatu hubungan yg serius sama kita. (btw, that guy has hurt her for some stupid reason)

gua percaya kalo tuhan peduli kok soal calon pasangan kita. biarpun gua sering juga pernah gak pede dan berpikir Tuhan itu gak care about this thing, tahunya cuman mau disembah dan dipuji doang. tapi gua udah tahu sekarang kalo itu gak bener. dia care banget kok soal ini. dan dia gak akan nunda-nunda kasiih ke kita. cuma kitanya aja yg berpikiran waktunya lama, karna tertekan oleh pendapat orang soal umur, dsb. gua belajar untuk trust aja deh. abis mau ngapain lagi? cuman trust aja, dan gua do waht i can untuk enjoy hari2 gua.

kalo lu baca di diary gua di http://jomblo_life.blogspot.com/ (hehee.. boleh donk sekalian promosi?) di situ gua bilang kalo gua baru aja nemuin diri sendiri en apa yg dua mau saat gua 30 tahun. dan gua gak neyesel tuh belom married sekarang. kalo udah,pasti gak akan bisa seenjoy ini. gua nemuin potensi2 diri yang gua mesti kembangin. gua punya tujuan yang mau gua capai, en sekarang gua mulai nulis2 lagi. belajar mandarin, bahkan kalo jadi.. taon depan mau ke taiwan or shanghai. hehehe

kita mesti take the responsibility for ourself to be happy. gak harus tergantung ama cowok doang. kan tuhan ciptain kita buat His purpose, bukan for "him" (huruf kecil). gua percaya tuhan juga ngerti kok kebutuhan ktia buat diperhatiin en disayang, pasti deh pada waktu yg tepat, Dia bakal pertemuin. never lose your faith en hope in Him just because of this thing. sumber bahagia kan dari Dia kan? so trust Him to bring that happiness to you... with or without a guy at this moment.

find what makes you happy and do it. bikin hidup lebih hidup, lebih fulfilling... =) "

the greatest woman

2004-08-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

One person i admire the most in this planet earth is my mom.

She's not perfect at all. She's not a business woman, she even can't do business. She's kinda ceweret... well, you know... most moms make lots of fuss about lots of stuff. She's not a social type kind of person, she likes to stay home. But in spite of all her weaknesses, i have found many admirable strengths.

She's the manager of our household. Without her, we all will go astray... As far as i recall, she's rarely got sick. Even when she was sick, she was still strong enough to take care of us. She's never pitied herself and asked for attention. Although she doesn't have business mind, she's very smart. She learns things quick. Hmm.. that's where i got my smart brain from huh? =P During the tough times in life, especially marriage life, she has been strongly persevere... She can be very patient and in control of herself. She knows when my dad was not in the mood, and when she should talk to him. Sometimes she got upset at him and say wrong things too, but well... not everybody perfect right?

She shares her joy and sorrows with me, that made me realize how not easy it is to be a wife and a mom. She has never pressured me to do things i don't want to. She even isn't bothered by me still being a single, she told me to wait for the right one. I'm so grateful about this, coz most of my friends' moms have been pressuring their daughters to get married...how sad! Mom always thinks i am the prettiest girl in the whole world (uhm.. well... yah, she's absolutely right! huahuehue... =P ) She wakes up early in the morning and begins her day to do things for her family... EVERY DAY! Gee... * whisper: "would i be able to wake up that early???" *

Mom has never used expensive make-ups or treatment, coz she's naturally beautiful and youthful-looking. Thank God, i inherit that from her! =P Her sense of humor is also delightful =) she can laugh at herself, and her laughter is always contagious.

It's funny how easy to make her smile... just give her some nice flowers, kiss her, and tell her "i love you, mom!"... or i just massage her back at night while we watch TV together. she's never asked for diamond ring or golden taels, she just says to me, "Do whatever you like that makes you happy."

Thank God for my mom. I love her, and can't wait to go home soon, hug her, kiss her, and say that i love her ^_^

secret crush

2004-08-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

a crush on another girl's boyfriend??!!! OH NOOO...

i've never liked another girl's boyfriend before, they were just unattractive anymore when i knew they had girlfriends already. but this guy... he is so... so... what should i say? he's one of a kind!

first time i met him, nothing interesting. i thought he was a quiet and no-fun guy. second time met him, he talked to me, asked me guestions about some stuff. the more i knew him, he became not what i thought he was. it turns out he is a very nice, caring, funny guy! he has this 'power' that makes me feel special, and when i am with him, i feel i can do anything coz he is very supportive.

now then... would i just steal him from his girl? =P yes, i did flirt with him several times... c'mon, he's so darn charming! anyone can say i am stupid, but i have made a decision not to steal him after all... although i know i had the chance. a big chance if i want to.

why? coz what you sow is what you reap. i don't want to make him unfaithful. if he left his girl for me, i don't think i would be able to trust him 100%... i might think: what if he did that again to ME? i imagine if i had a boyfriend, i don't want some girl steal him from me... why should i do that to others? remember the golden rule: "do unto others what you want them do unto you" ?

ihik. oh well. even though i am not a very nice goody-goody person, but i think i have a choice to the right thing here...

take your time, girl!

2004-07-27T23:11:00.000-07:00

"before you know yourself and know what you want, you'll have a hard time finding the right man".

that's what i just read in a book. the author said, the average age a person has finally finds herself and knows what she wants.. is about 28. WOW! that explains why there are many single women who's above 28 nowadays!

i think the most interesting part of the book is when the author told me to write "TEN THINGS YOU WANT IN A GUY" and "TEN THING YOU DON"T WANT IN A GUY". he said the list will help me spot the right man, without having to waste lots of time. with these list in mind, everytime i met a guy or going on a date with someone, i could just make a check list... hahhaha.

i don't know this would really work or not... but it's fun to do. wanna try?

talking about finding myself and knowing what i want...i'm proudly say that i have =) even though it just happened now, when i'm 30. somehow i am so comfortable with myself now, i know what to do, and enjoy my life every day. i have so many things in mind that i wanna do so many things! i feel like a rose bud that has just started to bloom... like a cocoon that has just metamorphosied into a beautiful butterly =P i've never enjoyed my life as much as now! and i am still going for more...

there are many stars to shoot, mountains to conquer, and i don't regret that i haven't been married. if i had, i might not experience what i have now.

for those single gals out there, especially the ones that have reached their 30s... don't feel bad about yourselves. don't ever lower your standard and say yes to any man that comes along. living in a terrible marriage is muchmuchmuch worse than being a single for rest of your life! YOU DESERVE to marry the man of your dream, who you really like, adore, and love. know what is the enemy of 'best'? it's the 'good'. sometimes women got so worry, they thought: "oh, this man seems nice, he's a good guy. oke, i'll marry him." then they miss the best one... DO NOT SETTLE FOR JUST A GOOD GUY, AIM FOR THE BEST ONE! someone you will not regret to spend the rest of your life with.

best one doesn't mean perfect, though. nobody's perfect. best one means this guy is really who you love, and you become a better person when you're with him, and so does he.

girlfriends, whatever age you are now, you are SPECIAL. you are NOT UNWANTED. you DESERVE the best. you CAN ENJOY your life. don't let others pressure you, it's your life, not theirs. it's the matter of time... i believe there's GOD near to us who will answer when we call...

talking about biological clock, i know some women who still gave birth at their 40s, even 90! you know, when you have faith, anything is possible ^_^

the 'perfect' fit bra

2004-07-26T01:26:00.000-07:00

it just occured to me that looking for a right man is similar as looking for a right bra =P

imagine those with laces, ribbons, wired or unwired, push-ups, wonder bras, etc etc etc. there are many choices out there, and you just cannot pick one whatever seems cute, nice, or pretty. you gotta try it on first. looking how good you will be in it, how it fits your body, how good it is to support your precious breasts. lot of times the one that looks simple is the best one.

so, the right man is supposed to be:
1. he makes you comfortable
2. he supports you when you're up or down. he holds you tight yet gently in your every situation.
3. everything about him fits you just right. both of you are compatible, whether he's wired or unwired, push-ups, or whatever.
4. he makes you feel safe and secure.

like a bra, sometimes their appearance can be deceiving. as we have to try the bra first, we ought to getta know the guy first before making any judgment. are you agree with me?

during the first teen phase in my life, i have always looked for a goodlooking guy. i had crushes on those gorgeous babes. but as i am growing up... i began to be attracted on the inside. one time, i fell for a fat, chubby, short guy whom i've never thought i would ever like. why? because he was caring, he gave me attentions that made me feel special, he was so funny he made me laugh ^_^

the other time i fell for a guy with so ordinary look. nothing handsome about his face. but i was crazy about him!!! why? because he made feel safe and secure, he did things for me that made me special, he liked me whether i looked good or whenever i had a bad hair day. hehehe...

and there was time i had a crush on a guy that my friends thought unattractive. his skin was dark, sort of a mixed-race look. but i liked him. why? because he was sincere, he didn't try to be someone he's not, and kind =)

once i liked this much younger guy =P... whose eyes so small, if he laughed you couldn't see them anymore. he's not handome at all. but whenever i was down, he comforted me by singing a song he wrote while playing his guitar. he encouraged and inspired me to be the best i could be.

so for whoever out there who says and thinks i am picky about guys (that's why i'm still jomblo alias single)... YOU ARE RIGHT, DUDE! yes, i SHOULD BE PICKY about whether he can be the best 'bra' for me or not, because i will wear him for the rest of my life. i can't afford him loosing up in the middle of the road! (can you imagine your bra's hook suddenly popped out because it's too tight? true story: a girl in the mall lost her bra while she was shopping. til now, i still can't imagine how it could happen... but you see, choosing the wrong bra can bring so much troubles!)

but one thing i know i definetely am not that picky about the appearance, look, or age.
i like what i like.

bulu kakiku sayang, bulu kakiku malang...

2004-07-20T23:34:00.000-07:00

disesali juga sudah tidak berguna...

dulu waktu sekolah di amrik, 99.99 % cewek-cewek di situ bulu kakinya dicukur semua! biar mulus begitu... bahkan cewek2 indo juga ikut-ikutan. mula-mula sih gua nggak bergeming, tapi lama-lama jadi minder jugaaa... biarpun bulu kakinya gak banyak, tapi keliatan gitu kalo diperhatiin, sedangkan kaki-kaki cewek lain tuh botak2 semua. biasa lha, ABG... masih suka nggak PD... so i decided to shave my legs too!

and GOSH! pas tumbuh lagi jadi tidak karuan begitu!!! kasar, dan nggak halus lagi bulunya. panjang dan tebal lagi! OH NOOOO... diratapi sudah terlanjur.

the moral of the story is: makanya, jangan suka ikut-ikutan! PD aja lagi... hihihi. tapi kalo bulu kaki keriting dan lebat gimana???! oh well... di-wax aja deh. eh, tapi ada juga cowok yang suka sih. my history teacher at high school begitu tuh bulu kakinya, tapi laku juga cepet... yah,kayak bulu ketek aja kali yah? ada yang suka di-shave, ada yang nggak. katanya sexy! huahuahueua...^ ^

oh well, anyway... life has its risks. as a jomblo, i've tried many things, regreted many things, rejoiced over many things... the key is just to be thankful for whatever has happened. biarpun ada yang sucks, but the response is our choice. mau nyeselin terus, atau make the best out of it...

i'd like to see everything that happens in my life as a process of building a big and tall tower. either it is a failure or a success, each of them is a brick that will continue adding to the top. gimana ya jelasinnya? hmm... jadi, kegagalan gak usah disesalin gitu. karna kegagalan itu juga sebuah batu batu. kesuksesan itu juga sebuah batu bata. semua itu dipake dalam membangun menara hidup kita... (gee, pada ngerti gak ya? apa hubungannya ama bulu kaki ya??!)

the make over of an ugly duckling

2004-07-19T02:05:00.000-07:00

... for the sake of wanting to be beautiful inwardly and OUTWARDLY... i've done some make over to turn myself from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan =)

just admit it. guys want goodlooking girls. guys who say appearance is not important are not being honest... are they? i used to think that appearance is number 100 or 1000 after character, intelligence, and other inner beauty stuff... how i was so naive and wrong! if you love yourself, you'll take a good care of yourself.

so i have done some major make overs lately ^_^ but i've never known HOW EXPENSIVE IT CAN BE!!! now i get smarter, i did a research first...

then i found this inexpensive yet top quality skin center. i had my face facialed there to get rid of some acnes and big 'orange peel' pores, so my skin will look like a porcelain (hm...isn't that what john mayer say?) GOSH! it was such a painful experience... i cried all the way when the beautician squeezed the comedoes out of my nose! hik hik hik...

then i went to the salon to have my hair "smoothed". hair smoothing, they said. i gotta let the hairdresser pull my hair in order to make it smooth.. (yes, she pulled my hair with the straightening iron!) OUCH!

i bought some new clothes, coz i wanna do some experiments with my style. well, a right-brainer like me likes to have fun and be expressive with my clothes and look =P

in the process of doing all those thing, i was thinking, "What am i doing???! Are these WORTH IT??!" NO REGRETS, though. I DO look more beautiful outwardly after that... hueahuhauhua.

Of course, above all i still think inner beauty is more important than appearance. it's something i am working with to improve too... anyway girl friends, having a make over is such a fun thing to do! and i have had a friend who has been asking my advises on how to dress and stuff (so does it mean my make over is a success huh?) maybe someday i'll open a new business: "THE MAKE OVER Inc.", hahhaha... anybody wanna join? =P

The Most Wanted Single Gal

2004-07-16T00:02:00.000-07:00

i just don't get it.

some of my single girlfriends who are still in their 20s... just went yakiti yak yak about being a jomblo. they are so desperate! they worry, they got pressured, they are too focused on having a boyfriend stuff that they forget to enjoy life. C'MON GIRLS! YOU CAN DO MORE THAN BEING A DESPERATE JOMBLO! GUA YANG UDAH 30 AJA MASIH ENJOY ENJOY AJA. isn't it supposed to be ME, who should worry and be upset?

not that i don't think about that stuff. i'd be a hypocrite if i said i didn't. i do. oftentimes!!! i remember there was a time when i got so worried and depressed, pitying myself and i cried and cried and cried (ck ck ck.. kasiaaan dehhh) but then i bounced back. i don't wanna let this thing to prevent me from having a fulfilling life. life is only one time to live, and we have to make the most of it.

do something you like, it will definitely turn the negative energy into something positive.
life in not just about growing up, getting married, and having kids, then die in peace. it's so much more than that! life is about finding your purpose in this world (why you were born into this planet), doing it, and giving an impact. WHOAH... big words huh?

like it or not, it's true. me, for example... i thought i would be happy when i got a boyfriend. i was wrong. a boyfriend didn't make me happy, broken my heart.. yes. i kept searching til i found the answer: KNOW WHAT MAKE YOU HAPPY OR HAVE PASSION FOR, DO IT, AND YOU'LL HAVE AN ENJOYABLE LIFE.

if cooking makes you glad, do it. if painting brightens up your face, do it. if writing your soul passion, do it. if being a teacher makes you valuable, do it. if art and design excite you, learn it, do it. i can go on and on about the list. but CAUTION: if excessive eating or drugs or anything negative make you happy, DO NOT DO IT. get a life!

my dear jomblo friends, we all CAN BE HAPPY NOW. at this point of life. do not have to wait til we have a boyfriend. we can have a satisfying life NOW =) it's fine to think of a guy sometimes, just don't let that control your life. throw away desperate songs, books, movies... read, watch, see, and do things that will build us up ^_^

i'm saying all these because i am in the process of learning too. so c'mon, let's together make ourselves innerly and outerly beautiful and attractive by being a SASSY SINGLE! when you love yourself, enjoy your life to the most, ... you'll shine! and at that time, all those guys will be waiting in line for you, THE MOST WANTED SINGLE GIRL IN THE BLOCK *wink*

no instant, please...

2004-07-15T23:33:00.000-07:00

why who you like doesn't like you back, who you don't like is crazy about you, and when both of you like each other... it turns out to be not meant to be?

sounds pathetic? well, that what has happened to most singles. i have experienced it too.

but i think when i really met that special someone, i would appreciate him more then. coz IT'S SO DARN HARD TO FINALLY FIND HIM! =P of course, i will absolutely treasure what i have waited for long... that's the good side of this waiting process... you don't deserve what's just good, you deserve the best. and what's best has never come in an instant. well marinated beef steak tastes juicier. anything that takes a significant process is worth to wait for.

*hahha.. am i trying to comfort and encourage myself here?*

ugly duckling goes lucky

2004-07-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

Terserah deh mau bilang gua sombong, belagu, sok cakep, or whatever.... but when i saw an "ugly girl" walking down the street with a guy hand in hand, i couldn't help it not think: WHAT DOES THAT UGLY DUCKLING HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE???!

ever wondered, why "ugly girls" can have a boyfriend, while it seems so terribly hard for you? some of them have acne faces, so plain, not attractive at all. you think you are prettier, smarter, taller, slimmer, nicer, more fashionable,more caring, more loving, blablabla... whatever better than them. did they use love potion number 9 or what?

i thought about it, analyzed it, pondering and wondering.. til i came to another frustrating question: IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? MAYBE, IT'S ME WHO IS THE UGLY DUCKLING! but as i evaluated myself, my friend said, "You're a very nice girl, Poppy. Anyone who'll be your boyfriend will be so lucky!" Another one said, "Nothing's wrong with you. You're doing fine. It's all about time, my dear... all about perfect timing."

wheuh. that's a relief. i think yes, it's all about the right time. and the right man. and the right chemistry. in the mean time, i will keep metamorphosing myself into a beautiful butterfly.

Tell me the beauty of a marriage...

2004-07-11T21:46:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt so stressed out because your parents got into a fight?

i have, many times. the worst was when i was 13, and mom and dad had this big quarrel. dad sent mom away to another room to sleep, and he smoked in the bedroom just to make her mad. he didn't care about me and my bro who slept in the same room with them. i've never know why they acted that way, all i knew i felt so awful... my little bro started to cry and called me, and i hugged him as a big sis to protect him. both of us cry silently while our parents had no care at all about what they have done to us.

don't get me wrong. i love them, and they love me. they've been trying to be good parents and i appreciate them. anyway, as i grew up, i have learned that jealousy can make a man a monster.

what amazed me, now i have grown as a big girl... they still had fights. so terrible huh? not a big fight like before, but there are always little things that made my mom shouted at dad. things such as: dad left the dirty plate on the table, dad bought a wrong dinner pack (my mom wanted the noodle, but he came back with none), ...i think dad rarely appreciates mom, and mom rarely respects dad too.

mom said to me several times, "don't worry about not being married yet at your age, poppy. there are many women who got married above 30 nowadays. you think it's 'delicious' to be married? don't think that marriage is so wonderful happily ever after thing." there was time she thought about leaving dad, and so did he. but i was the one who cried like a lost kid, and my tears 'saved' their marriage.

i still got so stress when they fight. i got upset. why in the world they quarrel over such silly things??? APPRECIATION and RESPECT. those are 2 important traits in a marriage. i wonder... how many percents of couple in the whole world have those in their relationship? i wanna get married someday, but with those 2 ingredients in involved... show me what beauty a marriage can bring.

GASP!

2004-07-07T03:34:00.000-07:00

Honestly, i really hate it when people ask me my age. Atau untuk lebih sopannya, they'll ask, "Angkatan berapa?"

Gua akui, kalo udah begitu, gua suka pura-pura nggak denger... dan segera change the subject... hahhaaha. But for the first time in my life, at this moment.. in this blog... i boldly (setelah ya dan tidak berkali-kali) announce to the whole world.... *DRUM DEREM DEMMM..(bunyi drum)*

"I AM 30 years old!"

Gasp!

Dan dengan bangganya pula gua mau bilang kalo biarpun udah 30, i still look like a 20-year-old =P thanks to my mom for that excellent genes. Jujur juga, i don't act like a 30-year-old should be. I still have fun ^_^ some of my friends are so strange, mereka menganggap dirinya udah tua. Padahal, 30 is such a great age, coz at this point of time, I've found what i want in life =) A 30-year-single gal should enjoy her life!

Most of my friends are younger than me... that explains why i'm so ABG huh? *garuk-garuk pala* Buat yang blom tahu my age,I hope they still wanna be my friends after they know i'm 30... huehuehuhe. And i hope those who have a crush on me gak shock.. huahuahuhuaha... =P (jadi naksir ato gak nih?)

Well yeah, age has become a very sensitive subject now. Apalagi when you're still single. I just wish i still can have as many friends as possible tanpa harus dibatasi umur. Rada awkward juga emang kalo di mana-mana dipanggil "Kak"... ketahuan deh paling tua.. hehehe.

Anyway, i'm so glad that i have been so brave already... hihihi... now everyone know i am 30, going to 31 this october 30. Drop me a nice present, okay? *wink wink*

The Kepo Matchmaker

2004-07-07T02:36:00.000-07:00

HUUUH... paling sebel sama orang kepo! Tahu kan.. KEPO. itu lho... orang yg suka banget put their noses on other people's businesses. Sok tahu en sok pinter gitu.

Keselnya tuh kalo ada orang yang kepo datang ke gua dan bilang, "Eh, si anu oke tuh orangnya...blablaba." or: "Mau gak gua kenalin ama cowok ini... blablabla." Gua tuh pengen banget teriak, "STOOOP!!! I don't need your help! If I want your help, I'll ask! Leave me alone!!!"

I'm not that desperate sampe siapa pun yang datang langsung gua say YES, i'll marry you! I know they meant well, but please lha... gak usah sok jadi kepo matchmaker, kalo gak diminta.

Karna kasihan cowoknya. Yang tadinya gua biasa-biasa aja sama dia, tapi gara2 temen2 yang kepo itu... hubungan gua ama dia jadi kaku. Gua langsung kasih jarak soalnya.. hehehe. Hayo, cewek2 pasti begitu deh kalo ama orang yang gak disuka.

Trus ya, kalo mau kepo tuh kasih calon yang keren2 gitu kenapa... mentang2 gua udah 30 masa gua dikenalinnya ama yang udah 40 en not attractive at all??! hahaha.. sombong bgt ya kedengarannya gua... tapi hayo ngaku, pasti lu juga gak mau khan? sebenernya sih appearance emang bukan nomor 1, tapi gak munafik.. kalo itu juga penting. Sebenernya kalo si kepo matchmaker itu gak jodoh2 in gua ama itu orang, ada kemungkinan gua punya kesempatan buat kenal dia lebih lagi (who knows ternyata gua malah jadi suka lama2?)... tapi berhubung udah di-kepo-in kayak gitu, gua langsung ambil jurus tembok pemisah.

Tapi kalo the kepo matchmaker kenalin ama cowok keren en ganteng kayak brad pitt... seneng juga kali ya gua? hahauhuehuhe... tapi so far orang2 kepo itu sodorin gua yang mereka sendiri juga pasti gak mau kali. makanya kasih ke gua ya... hehhehe, abis mereka juga gak mau sih, mungkin pikirnya :"si poppy mau kali, kan udah 30. cowok apa pun pasti mau deh." atau ada yang menasehati, "udah jangan milih-milih..."

WHUACHAUUU!!! sorry ya... biar udah 30 gua masih bisa memilih yang terbaik. harus dong milih, whom i'm attracted too. gak boleh asal samber. *wink wink*

Have Fun!

2004-07-07T01:49:00.000-07:00

I read a comic book today. Master Cooking Boy. Very interesting and funny story =) There was one part in the story that was telling a story about an old cooking master who was very famous and honored. He sort of said, "Don't give up! I'm 80 years old, and I feel my life has just begun! You gotta have that kind of passion and spirit in life!"

Gee... 80 years old and he felt his life has just begun! That's what I feel too... my life has just begun at 30. There are so many thing I wanna do, so many thing I CAN DO in fact.. where was I all these times??! Anyway, I have heard couple of times from my friends who complained about their lives... they got married and they felt trapped. They wanted to do many things but they couldn't, because they had family to consider of. Even my friend's mom who has already been 50 years old still think that being single is so much fun and exciting! =P

What an irony... single people want to be married, married people want to be single again.. So i guess, all i can do now is just being grateful for being what i am at this moment. Single and available =P... Stop looking for the right guy (WHERE R U EXACTLY NOW???) and focus on making myself fulfilled and satisfied by enjoying this life to the max.

HOW? Well, i have some passion and desires in my heart i have been wanting so long to do. I looove to write and wanna be a writer, so i can start being one from now on. I've been writing some song lyrics, and that is cool. At least i have taken a first step (remember? A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step...) Not just lyrics, i wanna write movie script and novels too! hehehe.... ^_^ Not just that, i have a deep desire to learn mandarin and japanese.. so i just gotta go for it!

You know what makes me happy and fulfilled? It's when i can bring good impact in others' lives, make a difference in others... make them feel better and happier. It's when I play the song i wrote, and people love it.. even got encouraged after hearing it. It's when I show my short story to my friends, and they enjoy reading it... It's when I talked to some small kids and they listened to me eagerly with their big wide eyes opened... Those simple moments, but have brought so much fulfillment into my heart.

It's not when i've won a pitching (i'm in advertising agency) or have designed a great logo... I still feel empty. That explains why i felt so stucked right now at work =(

Anyway... i have found a reason to be happy as a single gal. So, all the single gals out there... don't pressure ourselves too much. Enjoy this single life. Do something we've always wanna do and love. Go fitness. Give yourself a new make-over. Take a dance class. Go for a tour. Cook and give it to your neighbors. Volunteer. Try rock climbing and rafting (i tried these.. so FUN! ). Do something new we've never tried before. Go to Kinokuniya or any favorite bookstore (there are so many intersting books there!) Improve your talents. Paint. Learn a new hobby. Don't just watch TV (this what i've been learning to do too... i've addicted to TV =(...) Laugh a lot.

Have fun as much as we can, coz when we got married... we might can't do those things anymore...Don't throwing put our precious single life by worrying and doing nothing.

Gee.. i feel like giving a speech here =P.... too excited.. hehhehe.

Hehehe...

2004-07-02T01:58:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. sorry ya kalo gua nulis journal blog gua campur-campur dalam English. Bukannya mau nge-sok or pamer. Cuman kebiasaan, kalo nulis journal pasti dalam English. Lagian, siapa tahu yg baca blog gua bukan cuma orang indo, tapi dari negara lain.. siapa tahu, ya nggak? hehehhe...

anyway, english gua juga masih perlu di-improve banyak. jadi gua mesti latihan terus, biar kagak lupa. itulah salah satu sebabnya gua nulis pake English (grammarnya kacak adut kali ya?) ntar kalo udah jago mandarin and japanese, mungkin gua bikin blog dalam bahasa itu juga... hihihhhihi =P ehmm.. that's a very good idea! *wink*

ow, gua mesti telpon calon guru vocal gua nih. ah... emang enak jadi jomblo ya. bisa lakuin apa aja tanpa harus mikirin pacar setuju ato gak. gua udah memutuskan untuk enjoy masa jomblo gua dan mengisinya dengan hal-hal bermanfaat, biar hidup gua gak cuma fokus ke cari pacar melulu. masih banyak yang bisa dilakuin (biarpun pingin juga sih punya pacar.. hehehe) tapi berhubung blom dapet, yah... do something else lha. toh hidup itu bukan sekedar dapat pacar en married. everyone has a higher purpose in life... and that's what i'm trying to achieve ^_^

If I were 17 again...

2004-07-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wished you could turned back the clock? I often thought of that... If i could go against the time, i would wanna be 17 again =P that's when i could still have lots of time to plan my future and i would do it right this time. If i were 17 again, i would carefully plan my college year, went to Academy of Art in SF,...did whatever i could to enjoy my life to the fullest...

If i were 17 again, i would set my goal to graduate in 21, with 2 majors: graphic design and business management, plus a minor: creative writing (that includes movie scriptwriting). Then i would find a job in New York or other big cities, and worked there for 2 years. Meanwhile, i would began my career as a scriptwriter too.

Then i would go to Taiwan to learn Mandarin for a year, then go to Japan to learn Japanese for a year... Then i would go back to Jakarta, open a business... after it has established, I would apply a job in Focus on the Family, USA, where i could do meaningful things to help young people around the world. So by i am 25, i would have accomplished so much! And maybe.. just maybe, i would have got married by 27. If only i had this kind of mature thought when i were 17...

Too bad, it ain't happen :( I just gotta choose how i should live my life at this moment...

It's so funny how my life seems to just started when i am 30. Yes, that's how old i am right now. A 30-year-old girl, i might say. Many things to regret because i haven't used my time very well... but i just can't sit in those regrets. In my 30, i feel like a 17, who's trying to find her way of life. So here i am now... looking like a young naive girl who is ready to fly.

Why am i saying that? Because i know what i want NOW. NOW i know that i wanna be a writer who change people's lives. NOW i know i have passion more than just being a designer. So i had this crazy idea to leave my comfort zone, resign the job i have worked for 4 years with good pay... i called it as "running to higher direction" =P

Life is so boring when you don't know what you want... believe me, i've been there lately, it was awful!!! Then i realized i need to take actions on the passion i have had in heart for a loooong time. I will go to Taiwan =) hahhaha.. yes, to learn mandarin. That's just the first step, i might say. The first step to achieve higher purpose..what a big word, isn't it? But it's true.

Have you ever heard of a chinese proverb that says "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" ? I really hope this time will not just be another NATO (No Action Talk Only) plan of mine. Procrastinating is my worst enemy. Let's see ok... if this plan is really gonna work... (please, please, ...God... help me to do it right... *desperate to live fulfilling life* )